Angelarae Knits

The Park

With Hal's illness, many things have 'gone to the wayside,' so to speak.  I think I just became so depressed and also wrapped up with taking care of him and trying to keep things from falling apart, (which they did in some ways, anyway) that I neglected a lot of things that I normally would have enjoyed doing.  It has been six years now since this little nightmare (Hal had a brain tumor removed, subsequent meningitis and a resulting brain injury) began for our family and I have just started to make a real effort to live my life and be happy.   Maybe some of you who have been through similar circumstances can relate to what I am saying.   Some of the anger and grief have been put aside and I have made an honest effort to put myself into situations I would have otherwise shunned.  For example, in the last few months, I have started going to the local YMCA to workout, sit in the sauna, whatever I feel like doing.  I am beginning to paint and fix up our little house.  I am saying 'yes' to outings I would normally have said 'no' to and am having a really good time.  So, when my daughter, Emma, asked me to go with her class on a field trip to William B. Umstead state park, I said 'Yes,'  feeling somewhat reluctant and thinking of a thousand things that could go wrong, but  I knew I needed to try.
You know what?  It was fun.  The park was absolutely gorgeous.  It has been many years, since my childhood in fact, that I came to this park and I had forgotten what an escape it can be.   No loud cars, no honking horns, just peace and quiet...

...and the dogwoods are blooming!  You know how I love flowering plants.  When you take in a deep breath, all you can smell is pine and earth.   I sat on the step, took out my sock knitting and waited, enjoying the sound of the wind in the trees, until....

Chaos rolled into town!  Just kidding, the kids were great.  Here's Emma with her two friends, Fatima on her right and Katie on her left...sweet girls!

There were three Park Rangers there (Bill, Bob, and Dan) to teach us about beavers, bears and snakes.  We got to meet some interesting characters...

Mr. Beaver

Mr. Bear

And a snake named Cornelius...sorry, no pics of Cornelius, as we were under a picnic shelter and I couldn't get the flash to work.  Also, there's this, a picture of Emma's teacher....(definitely click on pic to enlarge!)

Now, why couldn't I have a teacher that looked like that?;->  My first grade teacher was elderly and fell asleep at her desk a lot....But seriously, more men need to get into the teaching field.  There aren't enough. 

We had a great time together.  I ate lunch with the group, met some of Emma's friends and spent some time in a classroom with children.  They are all so sweet:) All in all, much fun and a confidence builder, to say the least.  I think we will make a family trip to the park, as well.  Another thing we haven't done in a while that will be good for us. I am, as I write this, squashing down the anxiety that begins to arise, and realizing how debilitating it is...really, and how much we have missed.  We are going to pull ourselves out of this, we have to.  And I am thinking that the only way to do it, is to make ourselves get out there and say 'yes' to opportunities like this.  Even if it doesn't feel like a natural or safe thing to do at the time.

Oprah

So, Sam was on Oprah Winfrey today...not as a guest, but in one of the scene's from the movie she produced along with Denzel Washington called 'The Great Debaters.'  It was kinda sureal to see the boy I raised in a movie scene with Jurnee Smollet.  I did not really notice anyone else who may also be in this scene.  I didn't ask him either.  I just told him that the look on his face is just like the one he gives us when we catch him doing something (like sneaking in after curfew).  'Course, he lives on his own now. 
The movie looks to be fantastic.  It opens Christmas day and all of us are going.  Sam's part is Oklahoma City Debater #2.  He debates Jurnee Smollett in an outdoor event under a large tent and is the person who speaks just before she does, so if you go to see this, look for him.  All I could think is, this is a wonderful, inspiring film and my son is part of it.  Wow.
Here's a link to the website where you can watch the movie trailer.
You can also read more detail about this film here.

A Picture

"Ian...could you come here a minute?"

Ian: Jumps off his skateboard and begins walking toward me. "What?"

Me:  "Just come here, please..."

Ian: Slightly annoyed, "What?" 

Me: Grabbing a scarf and camera stealth-ly hidden on the table by the door.  "Could you pul-eeeese let me take a picture of this on you.."

Ian: "MOM! "

Me: "C'mon, Ian...I won't even take it of your face, just the scarf. "

 

Ian: "Hurry up." (Exaggerated breaths of agitation forthcoming now)

I don't know what the problem is...he's a good looking boy.

Harvest Moon Tonight

Full moon's are often named.  Did you know that? I did, but I didn't.  For example, we've all heard of the Blue Moon, the second full moon occurring within a given month.  This can only happen once every three years or so, according to astronomy sources.  Tonight's moon, the Harvest Moon, is simply the full moon rising closest to the autumnal equinox.   It is called the Harvest Moon because, traditionally, farmers could work later in the fields at the end of the growing season to harvest their crops by moonlight. 

So, I think I'll be sitting out tonight, under the moon.  There is something very peaceful about a full moon.  You can visit this site, for more stunning pictures and information about the moon.  Also, check out the Skywatcher's Guide to the Moon. 

Why?

   

I am sitting here this morning, staring at a finished Cabled Newsboy Cap, (from SnB Nation) done in Malabrigo, no less, wondering why I knit things for people who don't appreciate them.  I finished the cap last night, weaved in the ends, and said "Katie, come try this on."  She did, handed it back to me and said, "Maybe Ian will wear it."  I really was hurt.  I had picked out the yarn specifically for Katie (well, I had always wanted to try Malabrigo) but I chose a colorway I thought she would like and wear.  (It smells like vinegar. Has anyone else noticed this?)  I knit the hat because Katie is just one of those people who can wear the newsboy type hat and make it Rock.  Not everyone can pull it off, but Katie is so cute that way.  I think she felt guilty after I told her that I had picked the yarn out just for her.  So she said, "I'll wear it," and put it on and plopped back down on the couch to resume her computer work.  Not too much later, one of her friends came to the door and, when they appeared in the doorway, she snatched it off of her head like she was embarrassed.  I very nearly took the scissors to it, then and there, and ripped it back so that I could use the yarn for something else.   
    However, having slept on it, I am asking myself some hard questions about why I knit projects.  How do I choose?  Am I really knitting them for the person, or for myself.
    In the case of this hat, there was some guilt attached. My mother had said that I should give the red one I knitted for Ian some time ago, to Katie, and was disappointed that my Father claimed it instead.  I always thought I should knit her one from then on.  Also, I should mention that I made a error in judgement the last time I knit this project, and left out one round of cabling.  It looked more like a baseball hat (too tight fitting) than it should have.  I felt the need to knit it again, correctly this time.   There is also the excuse to use the Malabrigo.  Now, when I went to my lys and asked about yarn for the project, Carol did suggest the Malabrigo, but she didn't have to twist my arm.  And, I really did look for a color Katie would like.(Lime Blue)  But, I never asked if she would like the hat or the yarn.  I just assumed it would be great...she'd love it.   
    So, can I really be too angry that she was not as thrilled as I imagined.  Did I not set myself up for disappointment?   I believe so. 
    I do have to have some sympathy here, for the receiver of unwanted knitted and crocheted objects.  I think I have always been polite and properly thankful to those who have knitted for me, but I have not always appreciated the work as I do now.  I think that comes with age, maybe, the appreciation for hours spent making a hand-made item.   I know I have heard from some of you unhappy with the lack of gratitude for knitted Christmas gifts. (We all seem to let the Christmas knitting list become overwhelming).   There are sites, too, like 'You Knit What?' that we all laugh at hysterically, but how do we feel when our own work suffers yawns and burial in the proverbial closet corner, or worse yet, embarrassment from our children.   Not too great, I can tell ya'. 
     Ian also has been less than thrilled with the things I knitted that I was sure he would love.  He's a skateboard dude, so I copied an Emerica beanie that I had seen at Endless Grind, exactly.  It was a box stitch hat, knit in black, the only color I thought he'd accept. (Red had not been well received. ) He wore it when I gave it to him, but never again.  'Course, he doesn't wear beanies at all now.  He's sworn off them, entirely.   
    So, what do I need to learn?  Knit for Katie on approval only?  Don't knit for Katie unless she specifically asks for something?  Knit only socks for Katie?  Don't knit for Ian at all?  Don't knit for those who don't appreciate your work. 
    I knit because...I love to, because I love yarn, because I love the idea of a loved one wearing something I made with my own two hands, but, also, and I have to admit, I enjoy the challenge of finding something to knit that these kids will wear.   That's it...that's why I am torturing myself.  I can be hip and cool.  So far, I've struck out.  But I'm stubborn, folks. 
    So Katie didn't love the Cabled Newsboy...maybe another pattern, like 'We Call Them Pirates?'    Now you're talkin'!      

   

Lanyards

At least, that's what Pete and William call them.  They are made of plastic cord and are made using a 'box braid.'  No simple task, I assure you.  They kicked my arse for a while, until Pete taught me how to start the thing and then how to lace it.  After that, I was in business.  Here are the two best friends.

And some of their excellent work.

Of course, I couldn't resist pointing out..."You know boys, if you make a mistake, you have to rip it back and start over...." 

The Toymaker

Some of you may already be familiar with this site.  It is called The Toymaker.  There are all kinds of printable toys for children here.  They are original works by Marilyn Scott-Waters and can be cut, colored and assembled with crayons, tape and clue.   There are also printable books for children, all for free.  (Be sure to check out the Book-O-Meter and the Unicorn Box) 

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.       

         ~ Louisa May Alcott